Aupair Chronicle 2

Aupair. Some people see the word and wonder which fancy french word has invaded our already mongrel mixed breed language. Others see a temporary occupation that flocks of australian girls fresh out of university take up as a means to an end in London, on their rite of passage, as its become, the working holiday. The girl who becomes part of the family, helping out around the house, dancing with flowers in their hair, with well behaved children who adore you, in the garden. A common misconception, let me tell you. My name is Jacqui, and I've been an aupair for 9 months.

Since I went on exchange to Germany in 2002 with Rotary for a year, I knew that one day I'd come back to Europe for a working holiday, where I'd have freedom to travel and do whatever I liked, unlike an exchange, where the organisation is responsible for you and your actions, and they dont let you out of their sight. I got a taste of Europe in that year. A Eurotour on a bus full of other exchange students, sharing fleeting experiences in cities, for no more than a day or two, like Japanese tourists. Minus the peace signs. Running around as much of Europe as possible with mum, for the 2 weeks I was allowed to take off school. But I could never go where I wanted to go, when I wanted to go. This is one reason for the decision to definately come back on my own for a working holiday. The other reason, being the other main reason for spontaneous overseas travel. A boy. A Dutch boy to be more specific. Yes he was tall, tanned and had a gorgeous accent. So Im off to the Netherlands.

But what to do there? I'm limited by the fact that I don't speak Dutch. After thinking for about five minutes, I decide that I'm going to be an aupair. It's a sweet deal! You get a place to live, rent free. You get fed, no bills. No expenses aside from your own pub crawl and shopping spree needs. All you need to do is look after kids, how hard can it be? Right now, I can hear the mothers reading this, laughing at me. How hard can it be? Well at the time I imagined uber disciplined Von Trapp children, scampering into line at the sound of the Captains whistle. Without the pine cones on the seats, or frogs in the dress pockets. The Sound of Music has alot to answer for, in regards to the expectations of nannies to be. The children will not run to your bedroom in a thunderstorm. Nor will they sing with you. And I'm pretty sure they won't wear the clothes you fashioned for them from your curtains. And if the mother finds out that youve chopped up her curtains, you're likely to get fired. As a the host mother of a friend of mine said to her "These curtains are worth more than your life.". I kid you not. Chances are, they're from a mega rich family, and your clothes, not theirs are the subject of the looks up and down, a hidden grimace, and a forced smile. Excuse me whats wrong with my trakkie dacks and leavers jumper? This is the kind of family that I ended up at. In the rich and famous area of Het Gooi, the Desperate Housewives cluster of small towns 30 minutes from Amsterdam. The town I lived in, Blaricum, has a population of about 10 000 people, and an average house price of E700 000. One look at the size of the garden of my future home, and I knew I was in one of the houses that bumps up the average. Tennis court, swimming pool, room for a pony. Well, it had none of those things, but Hyacinth is on the right track. Theres certainly room for a combination of the three. They made the sacrifice though, and decided to make room for the Range Rover Sport, the Mini Cooper and Porsche Carrera. And space for the 2 Labrador dogs and 3 children to run around. Im not sure who needed the leashes more. Uh, I really was a good aupair, I never actually put a leash on the children. Tempted, but it never happened.

My aim in becoming an aupair was to use the job as a means to an end, a base for European travel. And to get to know this dashing young dutch man a little better! Obviously, I thought it was going to be fun playing with kids all the time, doing educational things, teaching them the ways of the world... But the expectations I had didnt quite match those of my host family. I knew that I was meant to do the washing and ironing. What I didnt realise, what exactly how much a family of five goes through in a week! And the rate at which it needs to be done! A minimum of an hour ironing every day, barr weekends. I stop ironing every day at 12, because I will not sit there all day and iron. And on holidays or days when the kids arent at school, ironing is to be done before the kids are dealt with. Unless im making their breakfast. Ironing is the number one task of my job. Im sure that my dissappointment is shared by all. No one likes ironing. Im the number one fan of NOT ironing. Anything. If i was shopping and I found the most gorgeous item of clothing, that needed to be ironed all the time, chances are, I didnt buy it. I didnt even know if the iron we had at home worked. Did we even have one? I know Mum bought me some of that spray which "irons" your clothes... After a week the mother decided to get the fathers business shirts done at the drycleaners. Thats how good i was. What a confidence boost in the first week of my year of being a maid. I mean aupair...

Aupair Chronicle...

Imported again..... want to be an aupair? think again...

Alot of people ask me what the difference is between an aupair and a nanny. Its pretty simple, a nanny is only responsible for the children, no household chores, and they get paid more. An aupair, aside from the washing, ironing, dog walking, picking up of children from friends, school, hockey, gym, dancing, more ironing, making beds (childrens and parents), cleaning bedrooms (childrens and parents), dealing with vomit and various forms of excrement... you actually have to look after the children for hours on end as well. We also get paid less than a nanny. So why on earth would anyone be an aupair rather than a nanny? Because you need experience and qualifications to be a nanny. Any random off the street can be an aupair. Its often so that any old random off the street IS an aupair. Do you know who your aupair actually is? I have met an incredibly diverse range of people who have decided to become an aupair. Metalheads with peirced faces who are so high on magic mushrooms theyre too scared to go near the moshpit at a concert, cropped bleached lesbians with tattoos, almost alcoholic college students and art types who smoke pot in the morning before taking the kids to school. Alot of aupairs find their families through websites without going through an agency, which means alot of the time the family will only see a few pictures of the girl, talk on the phone a few times and exchange emails. Thats all I had to do... and I was locked in for a year to look after some peoples kids Id only seen one picture of. So what happens if the girl takes out her 2 lip, 2 eyebrow and nose peircing for the photo, hides her dreadlocks and momentarily hides her bottle of valium for the picture? True story. You really dont know, alot of the time, exactly who it is that youre entrusting your children to. I've met girls with severe depression, eating disorders, drug problems, binge drinking... who think that coming to another country to work will help them escape their problems. The sad thing is, most of the people who can afford aupairs around here are rich, and have rich, snotty kids. The parents often have some kind of addiction problems, even if its only shopping or coffee. But if you have problems at home and think coming to europe to look after a set of snobs will help you, think again! It'll send you into a relapse, I promise you. In the case of those with clear heads coming over, this experience will very possibly surge you into the depths of lone drinking or smoking. When I say smoking I dont mean cigarettes. Were in the Netherlands here.

But the children are only really half of your worries. The parents are the other half. Alot of parents have very particular ideas of how theyd like their children to be raised, as most parents do. However a normal parent is most likely going to be the one to enforce the boundaries and rules, not a stranger from another country who, 70% of the time, cant speak the language of the children they're meant to be looking after. The parents usually have schedules, rules, timetables, which they print in spreadsheet format. Which they hand over to you, and then leave for work, with a couple of wide eyed children standing, staring before you. In my case, I had no schedule, and the mother didnt work. So in place of having a just the military regime to follow, I had a military commander who would make sure I was doing everything right. Unless of course she was out having her manicure, pedicure, facial, getting her hair done, shopping or having coffee with friends, which she did often. She also prescheduled her visits for about 9:30 in the morning so I would have to take the children to school instead of her having to do it, to just add another job to my list. The things that she picked me up on, that I was doing wrong, was quite extensive. After Id ironed things, I wasnt folding clothes the right way. The towels were also not being folded correctly. One girl had a coffee cup thrown at her for letting the kids open all the jars of peanut butter. When its pouring with rain, and the aupair needs to pick up the kids from a playdate, would you let them take the car? Theres insurance to think of, is she a good driver? Sometimes if you dont want your aupair to drive its not totally unreasonable. But what if youre home? Would you make the aupair bike in the rain to get your children? The answer is, 9 times out of 10, yes, the aupair goes. Who on earth ARE these people that we aupairs entrust our life changing, fun year away to? So many aupairs get treated really badly, because for some reason, some families seem to think that its a priveledge for us to be in their family looking after their children. They think theyre doing us a favour. Yes its very generous that they allow us into their home for a year, but theyre paying us to perform a service. You would think the parents would be happy to have someone to look after their children, grateful to have dinner cooked when they get home, and the washing and ironing taken care of! Throwing a coffee cup across the room doesnt covey these feelings of gratitude at all. Getting the dinner you made for the family thrown in the bin, because Mum felt like a bacon and egg sandwhich, also doesnt convey any gratitude.

The thing is, were actually robots. We have no feelings, no need for a social life or adult conversation. We dont need to be appreciated, or thanked. After we've performed our daily tasks, and finally getting the chance to go out and meet our other robot friends, we dont mind that our host mothers get mad at us and have words because I didnt ask to go out. I wasnt aware that a 23 year old woman needed permission to leave the house. Does being an aupair actually mean that youre under house arrest? Why doesnt anyone tell us this before we go?!

This robot demands an explanation!!